As per usual that beautiful boy of mine was screaming more often than not, (although he has been sleeping for longer chunks at night) and I am a bit ashamed to admit that quite a few times this week I have wanted to put him down in the middle of the floor and walk away very quickly. I have of course not done this, but when these feelings creep in I do make sure he is fed and clean and then I swaddle him in a blanket and lay him down in his bassinet in the dark. Usually he is fast asleep within twenty minutes but if not I go and lay down with him to give him a top up on his milk and then he is fast asleep. This system works quite well, except for the tiny tantrums Hazel has if I 'go Nigh-Nighs' with Briar instead of playing with her, but some pencils and paper or a bottle of milo will usually keep her occupied. It also amazing to sleep in my own bed.
Last week when I posted my blog I was staying with my step-mum +kym brown, while we were far, far away Jimmi put out poison for the mice that had moved into our house, it seemed logical, put the poison down while the toddler is elsewhere and unable to poison herself, of course then you have the combination of Jimmi forgetting ONE box of poison and my inability to watch her every second and you get a toddler running into the lounge room with a mouth stained blue from the pellets, (needless to say we will never be putting poison down again). Briar was thankfully fast asleep so I didn't have to worry about him in the ten minutes it took my friend, Meg, to get to my house to take us up to the emergency room. I think I might have been in shock because I literally could not think of what to do, I managed to have enough of my brain functioning to rinse her mouth out (although I don't think she appreciated me sticking her head under the running tap) and call Jimmi's work to tell him to meet us at the hospital (I think they thought I was lying because I didn't let myself freak out until Meg arrived and could supervise). When Meg did arrived she directed me to call the poisons hotline who told me that Hazel wouldn't have eaten enough pellets to have any effect because of the bittering agent and even if she did we couldn't test for it for at least 24 hours, of course I still rushed her up to the hospital, really I was hoping they could give her something to make her throw up, but they just called the poisons hotline themselves and told me the same thing., Jimmi arrived while the nurse was on the phone and I immediately burst into tears and he had to finish the conversation with the nurse. That all happened Friday, so Sunday morning we made the trip up to the hospital for her blood test, it took three tries and four people to hold her down but we finally got enough blood and the test came back clear, she had not eaten enough to be poisonous.
After we had that worry taken off our chests I decided to get another off of mine, eight days after the birth of my son, which was nine weeks ago now, my partner, Jimmi, and I had unprotected sex for no other reason that we forgot (we've had to use protection maybe four months out of the last two and a half years). Now I was rather worried about this, some people might not think the chance of my getting pregnant would be very high but my first child was conceived via a one night stand and my second was conceived three months after coming off the pill and Jimmi had recently had surgery on his testicles ( a rather amusing story I might tell you one day) we are quite fertile, too fertile. So, I bought a pregnancy test today on the way back from the Hospital and took it in the McDonalds toilets. I am very happy (and conflictingly dissapointed) to report that I am NOT pregnant, while I have always dreamed of having five children, that is just not practical right now, I do actually want to pay off our mortgage and get out of Bairnsdale at some point.
I feel much more relaxed than I did a few days ago, although I did realise that this blog is not about reading books like I thought (although I do fully intend to read and will write about it when I do) but I think this blog is actually to help me through this crazy stage, and the two other things that helped me feel good about myself this week were when I painted my nails today, (I can't really explain it but painting my nails is my vice, this week they are red with a black diamond on the ring fingers) and when I went for a my walks, so next week I hope to show you my new nails and report that I went for a run at three o'clock every morning (it has to be three am because Jimmi gets up for work at half past three and I would like these runs to be quiet reflect-y time for me without the children).
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